Denial, discrimination, and abuse are the real mental health issues for trans+ people

When I started developing Beyond Reflections in 2017 I was aware of a statistic regularly referenced, that 48% of trans+ people have made at least one serious suicide attempt over their lifetime. Having worked as a counsellor and counselling supervisor within the organisation for seven years sadly this statistic did not surprise me.

Internally we had other statistics. Our study for Police and Crime Commissioner showed every one of our members had experienced transphobia. Not even one unscathed. Our first member survey showed 98% had attempted suicide or seriously self-harmed. I know that our work saves lives, the support we offer changes those numbers.

Internalised transphobia

Therapists know that living in a culture which denigrates gender diversity you introject those same values. They become part of your psyche and ways of thinking and often lie unchallenged. Words like “freak” damage your sense of self-worth. You may come to believe the only way to be accepted is to undergo surgeries to meet other’s expectations.

If you are gender diverse your internal reality, your understood sense of self, is not only incongruent, out of alignment, with the gender identity you were assigned at birth, you are in constant conflict with those introjected values.

Words burrow inside you like insects. Laying their eggs of internalised transphobia deep inside.

Self-actualisation

Carl Rogers, the founder of Person-Centred therapy and practice determined that we have an inherent need to grow, to thrive, …

Today we launch our annual Allies Visibility Campaign

An opportunity for allies everywhere to be seen. To fly the trans flag for the week of 13^th to 19^th November. Amplifying allies’ voices, creating a wave of support to overcome the negativity, the transphobia that trans*[1] people are experiencing daily in the media, online, in public and sometimes even at home.

The history

Four years ago, we ran our first Allies Visibility campaign. We created lasting, public change across Hampshire and Dorset, and further afield. A campaign targeted at making space safe so that trans* people and their allies feel safe. Now as we enter the next chapter of our charity’s development we are building on that success. Our campaign amplified simple actions of individuals. Anyone can get involved from the Chief Executive of Hampshire County Council to the receptionist at a local volunteer bureau. Our supporters proudly displayed flags on poles, on desks and on walls.

“Seeing the flag flying above the Guildhall made me feel safe in my city, something that I usually only feel during Pride.” – fundraiser, Southampton

The impact of inclusion and acceptance

Great mental wellbeing comes from feeling safe, included, and accepted. Through accessing our support our members are empowered to move beyond their distress. The reflective process facilitated in our safe counselling and support group spaces enables our members to see their true authenticity and to make informed healthy decisions about their future.

Chrysalis …

This week is Hate Crime Awareness Week and so today’s blog is about the work we do supporting people who are victims of hate crime.

What is Hate Crime?

Hate crime is defined as ‘any criminal offence which is perceived, by the victim or any other person, to be motivated by hostility or prejudice towards someone based on a personal characteristic.’

Finding words is difficult

Normally preparing for these blogs is fun. I have some great things I want to talk about, and I like putting a bright shine on the news and the world. Today’s blog hasn’t felt like that. I have struggled to sit down and do the research. Procrastinating through tea making, checking messages and even stretches.

Why is writing about transphobic hate crime difficult?

What is it about today’s blog, about this week, about the state of the nation right now that makes it hard to write? Well in preparation for this blog I not only looked at the experiences of all those people who make up Chrysalis I went out looking for information about the world being not so great. I read this report by Galop about transphobia.

9 out of 10 people surveyed had experienced transphobic hate crime. 8% of the respondents had received over 100 instances of transphobia in the last year. Half of the respondents were afraid to leave their house. Those who were going out monitored their fluid intake so they could avoid public toilets.

The hatred hurts in so …

Today’s blog is all about how exercising can help you feel good and help Chrysalis.

Exercise as work

There is lots of information available regarding the physical benefits of exercise. A quick search shows me that to reduce my risk of heart failure or colon cancer I should get fit. Medical professionals want us to live longer and to be physically healthy. Boring! When I am feeling low I struggle to think positively about future me.

Mental wellbeing for all

Humans want to do fun things. We want to do things now. To get immediate rewards, see immediate benefits. Physical health is great but mental wellbeing is essential. Mental wellbeing is about looking after me now.

Perhaps this is a controversial view, but then I run a charity supporting trans, non-binary and questioning people so I am used to taking a different angle on reality.

Healthy relationships help you feel better

People come to Chrysalis to break down the barriers of isolation. To explore their authenticity and to connect with people as their true selves. Our counsellors and facilitators are skilled in building and maintaining healthy relationships. People come to their counselling sessions and the support groups stressed, anxious and sad and leave calmer, smiling, knowing they have been able to offload and be supported.

Not every counselling session or group session is easy, we all have some heavy lifting to do to improve our mental health sometimes but in general people leave feeling happier, more at peace, …

This morning, as every morning I woke up and read the news. A few articles and then a briefing to give me an overview of current affairs and thinking. On Saturday I was on a call and we both heard fireworks. These two facts are linked.

Are you celebrating Passover this week? I hope that you’re having a fantastic time. This weird new normal means the tiniest of gatherings, making the most of things and bringing everyone together electronically. Were they your fireworks I heard, I hope so, I hope that in hearing your fireworks we all came a bit closer, a bit more aware of each other and of another’s way of celebrating.

As leader of an organisation which supports change, transition, growth and authenticity I would be remiss if I didn’t regularly think about how we convey ourselves, the language we use and how we can make sure that everyone who needs Chrysalis can access Chrysalis. It is not simply enough for us to go out into the world and provide education and training to help others find the language and tools to understand the experiences of gender diversity but we too must accept that we always need to learn, to understand more and to grow.

And so how are my fireworks connected to the news I read this morning? The news about rules of six and pubs opening and all the ongoing cycle of our lives at the moment? They are connected because underlying all of these …

Whenever I open our training sessions I start with recognising that those who are attending are doing so because they want to learn, because they want to open their minds and to find out more ways to be an ally. Even in those discussions I have with [real] people on line I know that the most effective way to reach an understanding is to start with finding those places where we overlap, where our minds can come together because, as I said last week and even more concisely at the International Women’s Day event in the evening it is only through finding those places of meeting, of similarity, of commonality that we can move forward towards a truly equal society. When a real person comments on a post about discrimination, about harm, and yet they don’t share the primary characteristic of the topic of discussion too quickly they can be shut down as not understanding, as being bigoted or in opposition and in being shut down they themselves are pushed away. They are shut down, they are not heard, and yet theirs are the very voices that we need to empower. The voices of allies. Because allies come in all shapes and sizes and this last week has shown me some great allies.

It’s my birthday coming up and so to celebrate this I created a Facebook fundraiser for Chrysalis and it humbles me to see the generosity of my friends, of knowing how much you care about my mission, …

Today’s blog is going to be a serious one I’m afraid. A call to action and a reminder that cancer can touch us all. March is Ovarian and Prostate Cancer Awareness Month and throughout this month you’ll see Chrysalis talking about these most secret, dysphoric and challenging parts of our bodies.

As taboos get lifted it becomes easier to talk about those topics that previously people shied away from, not so long ago no one spoke about “the big C”, it was thought that a diagnosis was the end, and yet as medical research has progressed, as countless people have raised money for and fought for better cancer detection and treatment, as people have brought the sadness, fear and sorrow out of the shadows so things have been improved. Today I’m trying to help lift some more taboos, those about trans bodies, and trans healthcare, and the lack of trans awareness in health care.

Being trans does not increase your risk of developing ovarian or prostate cancers however the lack of trans awareness among healthcare providers means that trans people often avoid seeking support from the right people in good time. During my research I discovered that Prostate Cancer UK have an article specifically for prostate cancer in transfeminine people with all the right language yet Cancer Research UK is still using exclusionary language.

Rather like my earlier blog with hints and tips for being an ally this blog is likely to be a bit of a tag it and …

It’s not often I sit down to watch a TV series, so infrequent that I find myself surprised by conventions such as advert breaks, it takes a while before a new program bubbles into my awareness and so I am late to the It’s a Sin party, and so far have only watched the first two episodes. That the first scene is set on the Isle of Wight, and Ritchie’s dad warns him that it’s different on the mainland struck a chord with me, as did the brutal and yet so casual racism that laces the first episode. We’re definitely back in the 80’s. I’m no pundit to give acclaim or critique, I’m simply a viewer, a statistic, one of those 6million who have now streamed the series and here we are in LGBT+ History Month and I’m thinking about not only making history but changing it.

The show tells us that in the 80’s one had to travel to London to be gay, and here I am reminded of the award winning short film Rufus Stone written and produced by Chrysalis ally Dr Kip Jones,  recently retired from Bournemouth University. In Rufus Stone Kip tells us the story of those left behind, of the gay man who couldn’t leave the village. He didn’t have the financial or intellectual capital of those who were able to go away and make another life, to hope to live where the neighbours knew and didn’t care. A life where the only gossip was …

News

In New York State a law has been passed stating that all single occupancy toilets should now be made gender neutral. That means anyone can use that space, regardless of their gender identity. Building in these inclusive spaces into every-day life makes it easier for trans and non binary people to go out and be their authentic self – without making themselves profoundly uncomfortable waiting to get home to answer natures call for fear of being judged or attacked by entering a single gender space which aligns with their gender identity.

Nevada has become the first state to protect its same sex marriage regulation. What does that mean? At the minute same sex marriage is allowed under federal law, which means it is possible in every state. However Nevada have taken an extra step and protected this law within state. That means that if the federal law changes in the future the provision for same sex marriage in the Silver State will remain unchanged. Hopefully some of the other more progressive states will also follow suit with this action.

The Israeli health ministry, after several years of consulting with various organisations, has de-classified being transgender as a mental health disorder. This is an enormous step forward for the country. Although it comes long after the World Health Organisation made the same decision, it is certainly a case of better late than never!

Entertainment

This week Channel 4 launches its new miniseries “It’s a Sin” by Russel T …

Are you human? That’s what the website asked me as I signed in this morning and it’s got me thinking. How do I know I’m human, what does being human mean to me and in these times of strangeness how do I keep my sense of human connectedness, how do you keep yours?

The second Tuesday of every month is Intrusion, it has been for years, the longest running Goth night in the country outside of London and a great evening. Worth driving from Southampton to Oxford for, a chance to get dressed up and to see good friends. During lockdown they have been live streaming, achieving technological miracles connecting DJs in three counties together and showing us glimpses into their homes, introducing us to their cats.We have kept our community going and though the pain of not seeing each other doesn’t go away the Zoom dancefloor and Twitch stream with photos of nights gone reaffirms our part in the world, our connection to our tribe, our friends, our humanity. Last Monday the Intrusion team nominated Chrysalis, for the first lockdown Intrusion fundraiser. We came, we danced, we raised money and united in our aim to connect and to make the world that bit better. If you haven’t shone your phone torch at a Zoom screen whilst singing along to the last song of the night then I heartily recommend it. Music brings us together, music connects us all and I know that one day we will all be together …