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Andi smiling at the camera, holding a mug in both hands. Andi has red and black hair, two visible facial piercings and they are wearing a black sleeveless top and jeans. They are seated in a white chair against a black background. Andi's visible tattoo is of a vampire angel and is on their left upper arm
March 11, 2022
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Have you noticed how much easier it is to ask for something for a person you like? How friendship overcomes so many barriers?

A friend is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection”. Someone you trust and whose responses you can predict. The language of friendship is inclusive: all friends are allies, although not all allies are friends. The word ‘friend’ doesn’t need a qualifier, a justification. Whether or not one is trans+ does not change the amount of affection and support you give and receive for friends

Trans+ allies are often professionals, influencers, and politicians. Many fight for diversity and inclusion tirelessly. These allies might be able to change the world but when you’re feeling low, they’re not going to be the person you message.

The feeling of friendship

You do things for your friends because it makes them happy. Have you noticed you smile more in the company of friends? The science says that is because being in safe, supportive relationships releases endorphins. I just like that it feels nice.

Our friends are our first, and best, allies. Good friends see our strengths and weaknesses, they protect our vulnerabilities. When you are trans+ and you come out you need friends. Everyone needs friends. Friends pick you up when you are sad, they speak for you when you have no words. It’s your best friend who notices when you have been absent on social media for a while and drops you a message.

Often, it’s our friends we come out to first, but sometimes we are most afraid of coming out to our closest friends. The closer the bond the greater the fear we might lose someone who we really value.

How it works

When we feel affection towards someone other resistances decrease. It’s easier to forgive a friend, it’s easier to speak up for a friend, it’s easier to support a friend in need than a stranger on the street.

A good friend shows respect for you by acceptance and understanding of your authenticity. If you tell your friend something deeply personal, they know this is sensitive and respond accordingly.

What friends do that’s different to other allies

Sometimes your friends might be on a steeper learning curve than you. They haven’t spent years with the knowledge you’ve kept inside because you were afraid you would lose them. Sometimes friends find that everything they knew about you clicks into place with the final puzzle piece.

How friends help when you’re vulnerable?

A good friend knows when you are having a bad hair day, or when you are on top of the world. They know when you are resilient and when you need drawing a bit closer. A good friend will deal with those microaggressions because they know that today you haven’t got the energy for any gentler pronoun corrections.

A good friend will take a mutual acquaintance aside to explain something. A friend will seek out support for you, perhaps they might have pointed you to Beyond Reflections in the first place.

Friends will not out you, they empower you to be confident in who you are. They revel in your authenticity because authentic people make stronger, more healthy friendships.

Good friends listen to your doubts about a course of action, they listen to your hopes and dreams and celebrate your achievements. Friends recognise effort, they don’t focus on results.

Being visible when you’re trans+

Being visible is an inevitability for most trans+ people, especially those who are non-binary or who are in early transition. Coming out is still a central part of most trans+ people’s narrative. Coming out, and social transition, exposes one but being visible also confirms you in your authenticity.

Visible support is really important. Stand up and be counted, your friendship will be stronger for it.

TDoV with Beyond Reflections and friends

Beyond Reflections is bringing our friends to you for transgender day of visibility (TDoV) on the 31st of March.

Our charity has amazing friends. They recommend us to other friends and tell everyone how great we are. On TDoV our friends are giving us their time to raise money and awareness.

As friends speaking out about the power of trans+ visibility our friends are helping us change the world. Delivering on our vision of a world where every gender diverse person can be their authentic self.

What’s on?

We will be live streaming throughout TDoV, showcasing some incredible interviews with our friends. They will be talking about their own visibility and the importance of TDoV for their loved ones.

Help us fundraise in the run up to the event and be the first to know about our amazing speakers and streamers who will be entertaining you throughout the day.

You know the drill, you are already our friends. Donate and share the fundraiser, share our posts and join us for as much or as little of the 31st of March as you can.

Check back next week for more information about the day and about why the Progress Pride flag is so important.

Friendship is strong, friendship is sustaining, friendship keep us going when other relationships fail. Everyone needs friends and Beyond Reflections proudly invites you to get to know our friends a bit better.

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